the mathmos

MAME OVER Arcade project

2010-03-18T11:14:00.047Z

When I was about 16 I was part of the Everyman Youth Theatre. We used to go once a week and practice being trees. It was great. I left, and soon after Mersey Television came in and plucked a handful of people for a new soap called Brookside. Talk about missed opportunities. The theatre has a foyer where people used to congregate in intervals, and after our tree practice we used to hang round in there underage drinking.

This was the time that Space Invaders ruled the world. The infamous cocktail table lived in the corner. If we were flush we'd pay 10p to play. Being from Liverpool we soon found out that balancing a match in the coin mechanism and spinning a 2p piece in fast it would be accepted :) 10 plays for 20p. I've always wanted a space invaders part 2 cocktail table from whenever I can remember, and had an interest in commercial gaming machines, probably due to my interest in electronic devices and the fact that at the time owning something like that was completely impossible and expensive. Because the 80's was the golden age of arcades these machines have become highly collectible, and still overly expensive. They show up on eBay for about £1000 or up depending on their quality.

So I'm building my own.

The old machines are truly authentic but the repairs on these are costly and the internal components are very old so we'll have to look for alternatives.

Enter MAME. MAME stands for Multi Arcade Machine Emulator. The machines of the 80's and even up to today can be emulated on a computer for free. The PC basically takes the game's programming (called roms) and runs the game on the PC. It's a bit technical, but once you've got the hang of it, it's easy enough to do. The actual roms are 'illegal to own' unless you own the game itself, but Google is your best friend in this case.

In the past I'd ran MAME on most of the PC's I'd owned and twiddled about with it on and off. Recently I discovered a frontend for MAME. A frontend is a skin that sits on top of the main program and - well - looks pretty fantastic. Undoubtedly the best frontend is called hyperspin.

Have a look at it here:

http://www.hyperspin-fe.com/

(more on this later)

Scroll down and play the opening video. This is what you see when the program runs. Hyperspin emulates pretty much every game console available (with the emulator running behind) including MAME and is totally free.

So... I've got the games, I've got the frontend, but I'm still sitting in front of the PC playing them on a keyboard. It's time to put them all in a box and make my own cocktail table. Amusingly I stumbled across the perfect table in Ikea whilst browning the web. Ikea is cheap, so it was the first place I looked. I wasn't the only one with this idea. I soon found a number of people had done this. Turning their RAMVIK table into games tables and media centres. One person has even turned one into an LCD pinball machine. Crazy.

The one above is a small ramvik. I wanted something bigger so went for the table below, although mine isn't white, it's black.

I'll be sitting to the side of my table so will be mounting the monitor vertically. I mostly play vertical games like space invaders and scramble etc. I will be playing the odd horizontal game like missile command and carnival etc.

The first purchase after the table was an x-arcade joystick. This is a programmable stick made for MAME amongst other games and emulators. It's brilliant, but it's also big. I'll be adding a number of USB connections to the side of the table, and adding the x-arcade to the equation for when I play horizontal games. I did consider cutting the x-arcade down and fitting it to one end of the table so I could reach in to play. I may reconsider this in the future when the project is finished if the ergonomics are bad. For now it can stay on USB.

x-arcade:

As I said I'll be mainly playing vertical games so I need a joystick and some fire buttons on the side of the table. The buttons are easy enough to find but the joystick was a bit harder to research. Most people who build these machines use a jamma connector or i-pac. This is fine, but it means a load of soldering skills, and if I'm honest I couldn't be arsed with all that. I found the Ultrastik 360 at Ultimarc.com. This joystick is USB so connects straight to the PC easily and includes a harness which allows up to 8 buttons to be connected and configured via software. This is important so the stick can be changed to suit each game individually.

I began the project by building the table and changing the whole living room to suit :)

Pen and paper at the ready!...

You can't use the drawers from the table as you need the space for the internal components. This means you need to attach the drawer ends to the table without them looking crap and also to give you access if needed. Over the course of building I considered a few ways and settled on magnetic door catches as they give a good flush finish. I'd suggest at least 4 to give a good grip.

The table comes with a central strut which we also cannot use (unless you are very good with woodwork and can cut it to suit the monitor shape. I decided to deal with the support problem later as you'll see.

I wanted two USB connectors for ease of use and connection to the x-arcade joystick for horizontal games. This is what they looked like. They were a little hard to find. I had to have a good root round the arcade cabinet and MAME building forums to track them down. Here they are in position.

The first thing to do was cut the hole for the monitor. This was quite easy. Using a 'board' marker (one of the water based white ones) I measured the exact centre of the table and drew a line. Next I measured the exact centre of the monitor and laid the monitor on it's front drawing round it to get the correct size. I slightly jigsawed outside the line when cutting to allow for monitor positioning. Here's the installation below.

Previous to cutting the space for the monitor I tested the viewing angle of the Samsung monitor. I think you'll agree it's more than adequate from this picture.

I used the central strut from the table as a tri-square to adjust the position of the monitor and make sure it was square. I then added some sticky-back sponge to the sides of the monitor to keep it in position. This was done after I'd adjusted the mounting brackets which you'll see later.

The Samsung monitor has a flat area at the base. This was a touch too thick, but a quick bend of the bracket, and the use of a spirit level it was soon in the correct position. the brackets are just aluminum straight ones used to attach kitchen drawers to doors. They should be easy to find.

The top end of the monitor is rounded so I used angle brackets and bent them to suit roughly, and used some more of the sticky back pads for minute adjustments. Here you can also see my added support for the centre of the table. These are kitchen cabinet legs and should also be easy enough to track down. This will help with strengthening the central area around the cutout where the strut should have resided. There's one at the other side too.

Time for a quick test! (used laptop)

Obviously we need some cooling through the table so I fitted the entry/exit holes and fans as below. The fan has 3 speeds, and on the lowest setting it's silent and the exhaust air is quite cold :)

The exit fan was fitted to the drawer end opposite the entry hole to let the air flow in the correct manner past all the components.

I then fitted the joystick and buttons to the side.

Added the silver 'coin insert' button, one and two player, fire and secondary button (used for scramble/space chaser etc).

It's starting to come together :)

The last part of the job was to fit the intellipanel sockets, speakers and PC.

The Logitech speakers came with a small subwoofer which you can't see. It's positioned behind the intellipanel and gives that proper bass on the invaders DUN DUN DUN DUN.

The Intellipanel is a socket set that uses a master device (PC) and slave sockets (other peripherals) Choosing sleep on the PC cuts power to the other sockets after about 15 seconds. So whilst having a great time, I'm also saving the planet! A simple press of the keyboard and it all comes back on. This wouldn't be necessary if you use an old PC as you can connect a button to the power switch on the PC causing the same effect. I couldn't do this as the PC is still under warranty.

Custom overlay designed by Todd at arcadeoverlays.com. Thanks!

Most people begin these projects because they already have an older PC lying round waiting to be converted. I’d also like to include thanks to arcadeoverlays.com for their custom space invader overlay for the table. This cost £60 including postage for a custom design which I thought was brilliant. Anyone with more experience would be able to omit the x-arcade joystick too, fitting the missing buttons to the cab, but I wanted mainly vertical games that use only 2 buttons like in the original invaders cocktail table.

Conclusions:

I was going to use hyperspin as the frontend as it's ultimate eyecandy. However, either this acer aspire is a bit slow (possibly graphics card or windows 7). It was far too clunky and slow to use properly on this table so I used MALA instead (will return to hyperspin over the next month or so when I've tweaked the bloatware on this Acer. Format C:?) . I found MALA easy to configure and am in the process of creating my own layout/skin for my table. Most of the frontends support horizontal screens and mine's vertical.

This machine is also a wireless computer for browsing the web, and a multimedia PC for music. It basically does everything a computer can do as well as be a kick-ass MAME machine. Go see Kick-Ass by the way, it's fantastic.

I'll post some final pictures when the overlay arrives.

The overlay arrived this morning :) Here's the final product.

Here's Tombo thrashing Sonic!

Off to play some games now. I have 8000 of them to get through.

Bye! :)

02 Rant

2009-07-22T11:09:00.005+01:00

I've done an awful lot of research over the last two weeks regarding mobile networks (pay as you go) and have made some surprising discoveries! I have a jesus phone, which whilst I love it for the majority of things it does, I also hate it for the restrictions apple imposes on it's customer database. That's an argument for another time though.

My interest is in the forthcoming technologies of the 3G signal and the upgrades the networks are implementing. 02 are abysmal for 3G coverage, compare the following pdf info and you can see '3' have the best coverage. I'm going to concentrate on 3 and 02 for this as this is where I've done tests. Using 2 iphones, one on 02, and the other on 3, I have them side by side next to me.

As you can see the 02 handset has 4 bars signal strength, but it's not got a 3G signal, it's reverted to Gprs. The 3 handset has 5 bars 3G signal. This is a bit of a no-brainer really isn't it. Add to this that Dyl cannot get a decent signal on either 3G or edge/gprs while travelling and you get the idea that the handset becomes useless unless you're sitting on a mast. So out of interest I ordered free sims from all the major networks to compare tariff's and signal strength. I stopped at '3' because the signal is far superior and the tariff is pretty amazing compared to 02. They have imposed a tethering bolt on, even for contract users which starts at 3GB for £14.68 per month, 10GB for £29.36. That's literally taking the piss. I stuck a tenner in the '3' payg account and got the following:

I then deducted £5 from this for unlimited internet usage for the month. That's 16p a day. Again, the above speaks for itself, and looks good to me. Voice calls are 20p a min to all networks and landlines. I don't use voice much, so that suits me.

Last night I tried a t-moble & Orange sim. They both locked directly to 3G, although they weren't as good as 3. I'm now wondering if I should get my pac code and ditch 02, even though I have 11 months free data connection left. But what's the use in that if you can't use it. Hmmm

Ahhh the memories...

2009-05-28T15:41:00.004+01:00

We've just bought the whole 4 seasons of Blakes7 to watch. It seems that this is one of the few sci-fi franchises that isn't being rebooted. I remember watching it as a kid, and really loving it most of the time. Especially orac the perspex computer in a box. My Dad is an electrician and used to repair TV's, radios etc (the talent passed to me too thankfully) and we used bits of old Philips G8 Televisions (the ones with the lovely orange valves in the back) to make an orac for my bedroom. The other bits were from our neighbour who made traffic lights. It took pride of place in my bedroom for ages. Anyway Blue Peter showed us how to make the Blakes7 bracelettes out of cardboard and an orange drinks bottle. Seeing this again on the DVD brought back memories of doing it, along with everyone else at the time. I've upped it for all you die hard sci-fi fans. Enjoy

Bliss.

P.S I think Morrissey is a little shit for cancelling more gigs than he's done. Still going to London though.

The Girl & The Robot

2009-05-26T07:10:00.002+01:00

I love this record, been playing it for the last week or two. Nice to stumble across the official vid at 7.am with your morning coffee :) Some people are saying it's a bit Bobby 'O round the edges, but I can hear chords from the beginning that's more like 'I'm So Beautiful' by Divine.

Royksopp

Divine

I'm gonna fire up Fusion later and mash these two up. Watch this space.

V The reboot

2009-05-20T23:06:00.000+01:00

Space ships are back in fashion again. I really hope they don't destroy Kenneth Johnsons original story (again) BUT I'll still be watching.

Interesting media whoreing

2009-05-19T10:37:00.000+01:00

Obviously like everyone else, I don't give a toss whether these two live or die in the media, however the following article was actually an interesting read.

Is Katie Price and Peter Andre's split all a publicity stunt?

About two weeks ago, Katie Price started to talk about making a 'massive comeback'.

She felt anxious, she confided, because she thought that she was simply not earning enough. Indeed, she had dyed her hair a plain brown because she said she was 'fed up' with paying to have her highlights attended to.

Gary Cockerill, her great friend and regular make-up artist, was told that she was reducing his hours because she was feeling the pinch.

Even her mother Amy could not cheer her up - Katie was in a miserable humour. But having been in America for months, paying rent on a house in Malibu but not earning any money, she felt broke and forgotten, and fretted that she had been eclipsed by Jade Goody.

And there is nothing which annoys Katie (who has built up a £30million fortune) more than the threat of obscurity.

A source who spent time with her during this period recalls that she was grumbling about the 'thunder thighs' she had built up training for the London Marathon, and was even more bad tempered than usual with her husband Peter Andre.

Katie told the source that she was going to reinvent herself in some spectacular way - which she did not specify - and confided that she was going on one of her juice-only detox diets to try to shed a stone to be ready for the blaze of publicity she was about to attract.

These are the sort of meanderings to which the 30-year-old former glamour model is prone, and nobody took much notice, as she often talks about wanting to be the nation's biggest star again.

Now, of course, things look rather different. For although she insists that this week's separation from Peter Andre was his idea, and that she is 'devastated', some people suspect that the whole affair could be a tawdry publicity stunt cooked up by Katie herself.

She's got her fourth autobiography coming out and he is about to release an album full of gut-wrenching ballads about losing the woman he loves. It's hard not to smell a rat.

We now know that the pictures which are supposed to have ended the marriage are harmless. Katie was snapped cuddling up to international dressage rider Spencer Wilton, who is openly gay.

He and Katie are friends through their shared interest in riding and her recent commercial ventures with equestrian clothing. Indeed, the two of them are so close that it's hard to credit that Andre did not recognise the 'mystery hunk' whose face his wife was licking at the Syndicate Club in Bristol.

So if they have not split up thanks to those pictures, have they truly split up at all? The couple looked perfectly happy as they exited the trendy London restaurant Nobu on Saturday night, hand in hand.

And hadn't Katie been talking only last week about her plans to have a third child with Peter gladly concurring with the idea in his most recent magazine column. It hardly sounds like the warning rumblings before a marriage implodes.

Several well-placed sources insisted to me yesterday that Katie Price is, in fact, already in the arms of OK! magazine and planning to do a full talk - for money, of course - about the 'end' of the relationship.

We can expect to pay £2.95 to read all about it next Tuesday. The theory is that this moneyspinning interview about her heartbreak will be followed by a reconciliation with Andre - again sold to the highest bidder.

More lucrative interviews about their renewed love would follow, topped perhaps by a renewal of their wedding vows (it would be their second renewal), yet again sold to TV and magazines.

Perhaps £1.5million could come her way as a result - not bad for a few weeks' work.

'That is certainly what I have heard,' said a senior source in the magazine world. 'I'm told she is with OK! already and that it [the break-up] is all just a sham.'

In the past, Katie has proved her razor-sharp business mind, raking it in not only with her modelling and autobiographies, but also a series of children's books, novels and a lingerie line.

In contrast, new company accounts lodged at Companies House reveal Peter Andre's minuscule earnings.

In recent times, records show that Andre has owned and dissolved three colourfully named companies - Aqua Blues Music Ltd, Future Flava Ltd and Neutral Colours Ltd.

He currently is sole director of a single company, with older brother Michael Andre undertaking the role of company secretary. According to the most recent accounts lodged for the company, PJA Promotions Ltd, it is hardly is flush with funds.

In 2007, it made just £14,189 and had total assets of £72,262. However, it also owed £58,073. The thought of all those magazines and TV companies clamouring to pay for the next instalment in the Peter and Katie life story must be very appealing.

But is that really what is planned, or are we all being a little too cynical?

Her representative at the agency CAN Associates swears it ain't so. 'This is categorically not a PR stunt,' said the spokesperson. 'We would never be involved in something like this if it were. And Katie is not overseas with OK! magazine.'

Why, then, is this separation so hard to believe? After all, anyone who has watched their more recent TV programmes, or read any of their interviews, knows that their three-and-a-half-year marriage has been somewhat turbulent for a long time.

Price's bitter and bitchy put-downs of Andre have made the various instalments of Katie & Peter on ITV2 gruesomely compelling viewing.

Katie is habitually unpleasant to, and jealous of, her spouse. In their latest televised row, in a shop in LA, Katie branded her husband 'an old f*****g singer no one knows about', before taunting him about his earning power, saying: 'I'm the one making money, Pete, so course I can have it how I want.'

He fired back 'Don't ever f*****g talk to me like that, understand?', later concluding: 'You are really, seriously, a psycho.'

In Katie's various books - and there have been three autobiographies to date - the phrase 'We ended up having a massive row' rings out on almost every other page.

She seems to be permanently annoyed - and Peter is always the one who gets it in the neck.

She rowed with him over his desire for a Greek name for their firstborn. Peter wanted to call the boy Savva after his beloved father, but as Katie recalled in her own deadly prose: '"Look!" I screamed back, having lost my rag, "I don't f*****g like the name Savva!"'

They rowed massively during the run-up to their wedding at Highclere Castle, Hampshire, in September 2005, with Katie deeply jealous over the possibility of any of Peter's former girlfriends attending.

'I don't care,' she shrieked at him. 'You shouldn't have s****ed her.'

The glamour model said that at the time she had been prescribed antidepressants for post-natal depression, and that they came close to splitting up.

Although they were reconciled and had their daughter Princess Tiaamii in June 2007, her depression returned.

She said in Pushed To The Limit, the third volume of her autobiography, that Peter threatened to leave at this point. He said that he wanted a separation, but she stood her ground and told him: 'No, Pete. You either want to be with me or you don't. And if you don't, then I'll divorce you.'

In the end, Peter apologised to her. It has been claimed that he has said 20 times or more that he will walk out on her.

Last year they renewed their vows, again with the cameras rolling. But before and after the ceremony, in South Africa, they were bickering about whether or not she would take the surname Andre. She said that she would - and then did not.

There were also serious disagreements about her breast reduction, rhinoplasty and tooth veneers which left her in serious discomfort.

Peter felt the operations were unnecessary and Katie refused to touch him, saying she was in too much pain to contemplate any intimacy.

This is a running problem in the relationship, with Peter once claiming they had not had sex in months and Katie routinely denigrating his abilities as a lover.

It is said she refused to have sex with him in America, claiming that she was too tired from training for the marathon.

Earlier this year, Katie said she had been convinced her husband was having an affair because she caught him deleting texts on his mobile phone, and she threatened to walk out.

In every instance, their discord has been sold to TV viewers or magazine readers - making money being the main priority in Katie's life. The couple were paid £2million by OK! for the rights to their wedding.

Even her children have been exploited in the pursuit of her commercial interests. Last year, for instance, they did a Halloween cover for OK!, dressed in trick-or-treat outfits; the Christmas cover featured them dressed up as if in a Nativity play.

It's no surprise we are left wondering what is real in Katie's life and what is just soap-opera posturing.

Julian Linley, the editor of Heat magazine, thinks this is precisely why people are so cynical about this week's split.

He said: 'The problem with Jordan is that she has contradicted herself so many times that you no longer know what to believe about what she says. In the same week, we have had her announcing that she wants a baby this year and then saying that she is getting a separation.

'She has been brilliant at parcelling up little parts of her life and selling them one by one. Everything which happens to her gets sold.

'But she has been doing it for so long that people are starting to question her motives. You believe there is nothing that she will not do, and nothing that she will not sell. And people are questioning what she says because some of it is so contradictory.

'Also, you see Peter on TV being bullied by her. It makes you tend to believe the worst of her because you know what she is capable of.'

In recent months, her media sellouts have included a bizarre 'exclusive' with OK! magazine that Peter was cheating on her - which he was not; the whole thing was a 'joke' apparently - and another very odd 'political' interview in which she gave her view on possible punishments for rapists.

Industry insiders says that both of these issues sold very poorly, as did last week's which featured a cover picture of her in the bath with her children.

This is said to have sent her into a panic that if she loses her power to shift copies of OK!, then she really is sunk.

What's more, those who know her say that her relationship with agent Claire Powell has come under pressure, with Jordan growing impatient about Powell's management style and fed up at having to pay her a percentage on media deals.

One source said this relationship could be heading for the rocks. Maybe Jordan doesn't want to share the money which will come rolling in for the dramatic new 'divorce' chapters she will be able to write in the next instalment of her autobiography.

And there is more planned. She is in the throes of putting together a style guide about how to look like her, and she is thinking about releasing a 'popera' crossover song because she wants to compete with Peter, whose comeback album is released in six weeks.

Less cynical souls, though, say this is a genuine break-up and that the relationship, while exploited to the max, has been the real thing. One friend, who worked on one of the couple's early TV programmes, said he was disturbed because they kept on nipping off during filming to have sex, noisily, off camera.

It seems clear that Andre, who put out the first statement announcing their separation, had no idea his wife was preparing one of her own, saying he had dumped her.

But Katie likes to be in control and is said to be 'paranoid' about being cast as the villain.

Yesterday they were half the world away from each other, with Katie holidaying on the exclusive Conrad Maldives resort and Peter believed to be at his parents' home in Cyprus.

Sources at OK! say they believe the separation is for real. No negotiations have been entered into and she is not talking at the moment, they say. But they do believe the couple will be back together soon.

'The feeling is that this marriage, which allowed her to build up a £30 million fortune, will not be allowed to go up in smoke quite so easily,' said a source.

'They row all the time. We think they will be back to normal before the end of the year.'

The only question is whether the magazine-buying, TV-watching mugs who bought into this drama will have switched off in disgust before it happens.

What amazes me the most is why people buy into this. Are our own lives so mediocre that we wish to be more like these two? I know I'm of a certain generation and am partially out of touch with the kewl kids ideals, but when something os so blatantly transparent I can't believe these kids don't see it. And how on earth can anyone write 3 biographies!? Pff! whatever, it'll all be gone like a fart in the wind in a few months. Oh! I've just thought of something...well two things:

Celebrity Big Brother and
I'm a Celebrity get me back into here.

Mark my words.

Northern Kind

2009-05-09T22:01:00.000+01:00

Buy this album!

Myspace
Website
Buy The CD
NK Blog

NK will be supporting Kajagoogoo on their comeback tour starting this September 17th@02 Academy Liverpool. Me and Dyl will be there, and we'll leave when NK have finished their set. I'm going to buy a signed CD, and even a t-shirt. I wasn't a big fan of Kajagoogoo first time round (White feathers was ok) so I can't see any reason to stay unless NK murder Kajagoogoo and gig for the whole evening. :p In my haste I bought the download from itunes, a mistake when I should have got a signed CD from the site. It shows up as Northern Kind - Purchased on the mp3 tags, and after seeing the packaging I will definitely be getting a hardcopy on 17th. One of the few CD's that I want to hold in my hand.

Hopefully they will do the whole album, other than that I want these tracks. Are you listening Matt & Sarah!

PLEASURELY THAT MACHINE
ELECTRIC TO ME
AUTOMATIC
INTO THE BLUE
CRASH
TEARS&TINSEL

Actually just do them all. Twice. Ok? Good.

2009-04-30T22:10:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow is Donalds 40th birthday. I'd like to with him the best day ever, whatever he chooses to do. You don't meet many people on the net who are genuinely nice, and he's a cracker. Have a great day Mr N. Morrisey should call about 1pm tomorrow

2009-04-29T10:47:00.000+01:00

I wish they would tour home again. Kirsten could DJ and Korova's a lovely venue. Please...

A Welcome Return.

2009-04-28T09:28:00.000+01:00

I'm beginning to enjoy R&B music again for the first time in about 10 years. In the wilderness there's only been me and the wondrous Mary J Blige to keep me happy. Music changed somewhere in the 90's onwards, and I lost interest in what a lot of the R&B and Rap artists had to say, especially the attitude that came to the fore. All that "Woman you're gonna get such a good seeing to" AND enjoy it beyond anything you've known before. Conceited misogyny that frankly made me laugh and be a bit pissed off. I hated the segregation. It wasn't solely for black artists either. Good old Eminem enjoys this too. (to this day) I may be being sentimental in liking the following video but it's the first example of when I still enjoyed soul/funk/rap.

I can't find the video for 'Candy' (my personal favourite) the record company have removed the video's as Cameo have just toured.

I salute you Larry/Parliament/Funkadelic. Oh how everyone was so shocked when he was on top of the pops with his big red cod-piece ha ha. Of course one of the best records around then was "The Message" By GrandMaster Flash, although I preferred the adventures on the wheels of steel. (I used to be a DJ, I bet not many of you know that unless you were at my 40th where I DJed my own party!) Wheels of steel was done live without any splicing involved. Talent. also worth mentioning Rick James, Bootsie Collins, Heatwave (Groove Line) The Whispers and the list goes on.

Then it all went horribly wrong, probably due to ecstasy and rave music taking itself far too seriously in the late 80's into the 90's. And lasting far too long. As far as I'm concerned good black music fell off the map with a few exceptions.

So we get to now, and I've started taking notice in the R&B music appearing again. The most recent one that Dyl really doesn't like is Black Eyed Peas 'Boom Boom Pow' thanks to Kraftwerk. A return to 'freestyle' which I like. then again as anyone knows, if it goes bump clack swish I'll like it 'cos I'm shallow. Well my favourite record of all time is 'Let The Music Play' and 'Give Me Tonight' a close second.

I doubt the rest of the album will be similar musically. I probably won't like it. Can't stop playing this one for some reason.

I also like this, thanks to daft Punk.

Right, better go.

Shemale Fringe Trax

2009-04-23T01:11:00.000+01:00

Enjoyed hearing this vocoder mix on Fringe tonight. Episode was 'ok' but what's happened to massive Dynamic??

Food Fit For Kings

2009-04-20T18:23:00.000+01:00

It wasn't so long ago that the theme in vogue for restaurants had working class overtones (God forbid!) Things like black pudding and yes, even mashed potatoes were involved. As with everything in fashion, it didn't last long and we soon saw the fast return of haute cuisine. Something that I can't even spell properly.

Me and Dyl were just eating our paltry (in vogue terms)smoked haddock with peas watching Taste Of The Nation on ITV. The meals or presentations as I'm sure they would be preferred to be called increased in pompous names causing us to spit our haddock and peas in fits of laughter at the screens.

I can't even remember what it was now, but one of the dishes had pigs cheeks in it. I mean, do you really want to eat pigs cheeks? We're all being told to eat lean meats, and I'm pretty sure pigs cheeks aren't low fat. I know it's supposed to be an experience but pigs cheeks??? Fuck off. We also saw Hells Kitchen last night where a lady complained about her veal not being cooked enough. The manager refused for it to be cooked further, explaining to the customer: "That's how it's served" Chef cockwank (or whatever his name was) decided the customer was being difficult, but surely if she'd requested the veal be stuck up his arse, dipped in hot fat and then soaked in milk (sorry - cow juice) for 15 mins, they should do as she says? Who's paying here? Anyway I'm waffling.

Below are some observations that I've noticed over the last year or so as our food becomes more bastardized:

The food to be eaten weighs less than two severed hands

The arrangement of the dish is "art"

It actually IS "art"

I have to wear a tie to eat it

I have to wear clothes to eat it

More than half of what I see on the plate is not meant to be eaten

You are meant to have wine with it

I still "have room" for dessert

Frightening textures

I've researched smoked haddock and peas and I've managed to change it to the following, so I don't feel too white trash:

H20 teased Melanogrammus aeglefinus teased with Indonesian peppercorns bathed closely and facilitated by a melange of seed-pod of the legume Pisum sativum

That's better

To jailbreak or not?

2009-04-14T21:50:00.000+01:00

I've been pondering over jailbreaking my iPhone for a few months. I decided to leave it as is for a while 'till I got bored of the interface and drummed up the courage to actually bother while squinting at all the horror stories of bricked phones on the web. Today I had the day to myself while Dyl was working away for a few days. As with most 'hacking' of code, you feel a little apprehensive before pressing the mouse to continue, but it was rather easy. I'm not bothered about unlocking it either, 02 will do for now. I was more interested in the restricted customizations involved. Apple are almost scroogelike with the titbits they release in firmware updates. I mean what phone on the planet can you not choose an mp3 for a ringtone OR change the message alert tones on? Yes, that's right. iPhone. These were the main reasons I bothered.

The whole process was completely painless if you follow the instructions and lo and behold I had the cydia and installer buttons on my now, aging screen like the one below.

Tme to change it!

First I browsed all the apps on cydia, installer didn't seem to have much going on. The first thing you need is winterboard a sort of theme loader. After that I got a good few ringtones and sms alert tones. I then downloaded a theme called icomplete. This theme is wonderful, it completely skins the phone in every way. It's a bit vistalike but makes a fresh pleasant change from the old screen above.

As you can see, it's pretty comprehensive. All in all the whole process felt professional and easy to use, and apart from a few crashes (caused by me enabling too many options) it's worked a treat. So now when you text me I hear either R2D2, Super Mario or some other Star Trek squeak. Was it worth it? Yes. Will I load firmware 3.0 when it's released? Doubtful considering the restrictions it would impose.

Happy Days :)

Fringe Mania

2009-04-14T20:00:00.000+01:00

It's no secret that I'm a Fringe fan. I mean just look at my page!

Once again... I went on a Youtube browse and stumbled across the Observer in American Idol of all places.

Ah! but that's shopped you scream. Well I'm cynical too, so lets see the video proof.

Ok so what the hell is all that about. Mindless publicity of course. Still, I love it along with my recently jailbroken iPhone which I'm playing with today while Dyl is in London drinking in teh ghey bars.

Rather clever ending

2009-04-13T15:31:00.000+01:00

They dug up Close Encounters again this Easter Monday again but I love it. Dyl's never seen the alternative ending where Dick Dreyfuss gets inside the ship. I looked all over Youtube but gave up in the end. I'll just download it for him. I did find this ending which I thought was rather clever.

2009-04-10T18:09:00.000+01:00

Ha Ha Fantastic

Happy Father's Day!

2009-04-10T08:06:00.001+01:00

Oh shit it's Easter isn't it. I'm rubbish

with public holidays.

Transvestite sheepshagging parties
look real fun. An Eggstravaganza
if you will. Apart from the beige sofa.

Later That Night...

"Darling! before you don your fishnets,
peek-a-boo nightie and shag an assortment
of inflatable sheep, would you mind covering the
shiny beige couch up? Thanks, it took me
hours last time and I've ran out of Febreze"

2009-04-08T18:10:00.000+01:00

The suns shining, the birds are singing, and our next door neighbours have rediscovered the bloody trampoline next to our bedroom, but I still think we should all dress up like this and have a breakdace party.

Don't you?

Album Art & Mp3's

2009-04-04T18:07:00.000+01:00

Gadget nerdy post. Beware.

Recently we bought a new stereo system. It's a Philips Streamium model which has the ability to stream your mp3's from your PC or Mac to itself and play them. All very nifty, but with both me and Dyl being the most anally retentive people we know (actually, he's a bit worse) I was a bit miffed the album art wasn't showing. I despise iTunes, and it's album art embedding is shit! Sooo I set about a way to solve the problem easily. I don't know anyone on the planet who likes trawling the net for little pictures of CD cases to add manually to their music collection, so I researched the problem. First of all I wanted rid of shittunes. Winamp was the obvious choice, but it's not cross platform, and I wanted a mac/osx program. I stumbled across a fantastic program called silverjuke.

http://www.silverjuke.net/en/

It's cross platform, written by a small number of coders, and is skinnable. (look for the dark skin, it's the prettiest, las vegas or something...) And it's cheap. I paid about a tenner for 5 licences. There's also a trial as well if you'd like to try. Anyroadup, This program isn't bloatware. I used it in conjuction with two other great programs called ginipic and MuV Undercover.

For those of you out there who are beginning to keep your 76,000 mp3's on a NAS drive, these programs are brilliant. Silverjuke is a 'jukebox/media player' that is the only program I know that will queue the tracks you click and play them in order. It loads the existing album art in but gives you the killer option of right clicking the missing album art and searching multiple pages for the correct one. Once found, you simply right click it and paste it to the empty space. It will also write the jpeg to the drive in the correct area for the future so you don't lose them like with shit tunes. But it doesn't embed them into the files, that was next. I can't tell you sexual it is. (I'm acting 15yo today - gimme a break) The next version will include scrobbling for all you lastFM whores :)

Goodbye shitunes.

Ok, so now you have at least some of your album art done, but it's boring as hell doing them one by one. I used to use a program called fixtunes, but that wanted to link itself to shitunes so it was no good. MuV Undercover was next!

http://www.muvenum.com/products/muvundercover/

It's a small prog that searches the net for multiple images relating to your mp3's and we have 23,000 of the bastards. This program actually embeds the album art into the mp3s itself so you don't have to do it again. EVER (thank god!) It took a long time, but managed to fix all but 1236 files which I had to do manually. That was a breeze to be honest. The last prog ginipic helped with this.

http://www.ginipic.com/

I'm now happy that our mp3's show their covers. I can now transfer them to the stereo and take a blood pressure pill. Nerdy moment over. So if you're bored and want to spend the day fixing your music, now you know the easy way.

Today was Dyl's belated birthday, we went to Chung Ku a dim sum restaurant on the waterfront. I suppose we were trying to recapture our visit to Yank Sing in San Francisco. It wasn't as good as there BUT it was good enough! It has a lovely view of the turds bobbing in the Mersey. That's not true now, they've cleaned it but you do still get the odd 3 eyed fish floating to the surface if you look hard. I also got him a colossus statue. This afternoon I will be mostly washing my hair. Rushes off to play silverjuke

J x

Roll On April 7th

2009-04-01T23:22:00.000+01:00

Sleeping Racists, oh the gall of it all

2009-03-30T15:28:00.000+01:00

That morning I was moved - well - promoted to the main A+E ward. It's a bit like the junkyard of the hospital in the bowels of the ground floor. I knew from the second I was wheeled in I'd hate it. It stunk of farts and vomit and disinfectant and B.O. I was at the end in the corner. The Royal Hospital is about to be demolished, and they are already letting it slide on the decoration front. It just looks shabby. It's clean, but just looks tired. Anyway to the left of me was a lad who was a drug user, a drinker and had arthritis. His spine had crumbled and he'd been admitted so they could fix a metal rod down his crumbling spine. he was sort of ok I suppose. He was bright yellow and vomited everything up he drank/ate. I had to turn the other direction and just listen to the little flushing noises of his guts emptying. Not nice, although he was a lot nicer than the person opposite me. This guy and his son and granddaughter came in. I could hear them complaining about the NHS, shit nurses, crap doctors etc etc. To the left of him was a very ill man called Tony who couldn't even speak and had a chest infection. He was about 40-50. It was hard to tell his exact age because he was so ill and thin. He made the odd whining noise. He looked Muslim, although this could have just been the jaundice and illnesses etc. The white guy with the son and granddaughter next to him turned to him and said

" I'd cut your fucking fingers off and shove them down your throat, and send you lot home. Bastards!"

I was pretty much disgusted at this and began to hate the place. We surround ourselves with like minded people in life, but in there I was surrounded by people I had no choice to be with. I detest racism, but hating this man for his comment would make me just as bad so I buried myself in a book while the lad behind vomited some more. I don't remember too much about that ward but I was there for one night. The good thing was the ozzie (hospital) was bringing in a new meals management system. The lady stormed in with a gigantic black metal shelving unit piled high with meals. She asked us what she wanted and reeled off a big list of meals that were really delicious. I'm talking roast turkey dinners and big to boot. Ozzie food's usually shite. This was yummy. The guy behind me still barfed his back though poor lad.

Gladly I was soon promoted to ward 5Y (the guts ward). There was 6 beds in here. Another heroin addict called John, a really nice guy called Raymond, an old guy called Joe, a downs syndrome lad called Kevin, a guy called Dave, and a sort of hobo looking dude called Alan. Raymond worked in pilkingtons glass manufacturers with lots of chemicals, and used a lot of solder in an electrical manufacturing plant. Of course this caused liver cancer. Truth is he wasn't going to be cured, but they were treating him by injecting radioactive beads into his liver to kill the surrounding tissue and the cancer cells. He was a lovely reserved man, who unfortunately got stuck next to John. John woke up occasionally to take his Methodone then fell back to sleep with the little TV blasting so we all couldn't sleep. I turned it off most of the time while he was in cookoo land. John was joyous about his flatulence. And always fired it towards Ray who let out a painful sigh everytime he did. John was 'ok' up to a point, although I went off him when he referred one of the nurses to me as 'a nip' followed not much later by aiming towards the black thing. I ignored him from then on really. He'd fallen from a plastic drainpipe and broke both feet and legs from 3 floors up. Heroin ruins lives, and although I disliked him for his ignorance, it was almost nice to see the human being emerge slowly over the next 5 days as the drugs left his system. Still all in all a nasty person I guessed.

Kevin the downs lad was the nicest part of this whole thing. He broke my heart twice on the visit. The first time was when he wanted the paper (he liked crosswords). He already told me he wasn't stupid. I don't doubt it, he was far superior in intelligence than the bigots surrounding me. Anyway it turned out that he had no money and couldn't afford the paper. I couldn't bear it, so went and got him a big crossword book and a pen. the smile was enough for me. He gave me hug. Also he'd had no visitors at all while he was there except a carer who was present for his gastroscopy. One night after Dyl and Aggy had left he asked me to put their chairs facing him. Either he wanted to pretend they were occupied, or hoped someone would fill them for him. How bloody upsetting. Talk about lumps in throats.

Joe was 73 and a bit senile. He was one of the funny ones. When the dinner lady arrived and asked him what he wanted for his breakfast he'd reply "I want the fucking poppy things" This was Joespeak for rice crispies. He also wanted 12 sugars in his tea and a pint of beer. He slept most of the time, except when he put his battery operated radio on full blast to compete with John's TV. So I had it from both sides. I asked Dyl to get me some earplugs in the end.

Dave was a nice fella, he kept himself to himself and read the paper or watched the TV. I never asked him what was wrong with him but it was probably his liver.

Alan the hobo turned out to be a really sweet bloke but in the early days he scared us a bit. He'd not slept in a bed for 20 years, preferring to sleep in a chair. While he was asleep he used to rock back and forth and go walkies. One night he moved my table to the other side of the room, but one of the other guys asked him what he was doing so he put it back. Steal my iPhone and I'll kill you ha ha! He was really quiet till I chatted to him after his sister Jan came to see him. He had a bowel problem although I'm not sure what exactly. I'm sure now that he sleepwalked 'cos he did it again a few times over the week. One night he rocked himself so hard he fell forward and smashed his skull on the hard floor about 5am. I ran for the nurse and they made sure he was ok and had no concussion. I ended up phoning his sister to come and collect him 'cos me, Raymond and Alan were all discharged on the same day.

The next day nurse nasty came to take MORE blood. I got her to check but she peeped her head back round the door and smiled. Yes, they wanted more. She had this really hysterical hairdo like blonde and red stripes, I couldn't stop looking at it while she got her blood from me. She commented on needing a lot. I'm beginning to look like a smackhead now with all these holes in my arm! Not much else happened that day apart from the bloody noise from my cellmates.

I forgot to mention I was nil by mouth for most of this. I'm like Kate Moss now!

The next day there was a mixup over the day I was to have a gastroscopy so I starved to death till the evening when they allowed me to eat. Cool :(

Just want to take this opportunity to thank Dyl for marrying me. The poor man was worried sick but spent every visiting time with me (and Aggy too) getting me pyjamas, and anything else I needed while not sleeping at home. I love you.

So the next day it's gastroscopy day! Yay! nil by mouth (again) I was wheeled down to the surgery and plonked next to Joe from the same ward. The lovely bubbly Emma came to ask me a few questions about how many heart attacks I'd had, and any allergies. Then she told me the dangers of my routine examination.

Emma: "There's 3 things you need to know John. The first problem is perforation. Which meant if they perforate my stomach with the cameraprobe I'll have to be rushed to theatre or I could die". Nice! Or I could have bleeding, but we'll stop that using instruments down your mouth. Hang on! this thing is as thick as a finger and I have to actually swallow it, then you might have to put more down!? Jesus. I knew I should have practiced deep throat on bananas the previous nil by mouth days. I can't remember danger number 3, but the first 2 were enough. I was wheeled in and met Dr Fox (not the DJ) who said he would sedate me, but it's more groggy than sedate as you have to swallow the camera. A nice girl called Debbie sprayed local down my throat and said "It tastes horrible!" Dr Fox said it was like Debbies cooking. Was like almonds really and worked. Dr Fox injected me with what was probably IV Ketamine (don't be jealous) and I remember gagging till I was sick into a cup that Debbie was holding by my mouth. It was over quick but I don't want another one, thanks very much.

When I came out I heard the lovely Emma asking Joe the health questions she's asked me earlier. Joe must have been part german or something 'cos Emma said:

Emma: "Joe, have you had any heart attacks?"
Joe: "Nine"
Emma: "Ooohh that's nearly double figures!"
Joe: "No, I mean none"
She asked him to answer in English from then on.

I went back to mad ward and waited for results. Doctor Robert (not the popstar) came in and told me I had an inflamed stomach and duodenum, but didn't have an ulcer. I was prescribed a drug that stops acid at source. It works. The problem was my liver wasn't functioning normally. It goes like this: Hospitals and GP's and Consultants don't collate medical records so as far as the Royal was concerned there's something very wrong with my liver 'cos I have this enzyme floating about in my blood called CK. Creatine K is given off from muscles when they are damaged or breaking down with disease. I have Distal Muscular Dystrophy so mine has been elevated for years, and known about for that amount of time too by my consultant. But not by the Royal. So I was going nowhere even though my stomach was 'fixed' A normal CK level is 200. Mines always about 3000+ The doctors refused to let me go till the following Tuesday when the big liver doctor was up from London. I guess they were covering themselves. Let's say they discharge me and I keel over the next day. They'd be liable so I had to stay in. Sigh.....

I was also due a routine ultrasound scan on my organs to check for anything odd. This was done and I went back to my lovely ward. The results of the ultrasound show I have polyps on my gall bladder and will have to get them removed by keyhole surgery in the future.

Thankfully on Saturday a lovely asian doctor who I could have kissed must have spoken to my consultant and verified my CK levels being high normally and said I could go home. I was gone like a fart in the wind! I had to promise if I felt ill or vomited to return straight away.

All in all I'm pleased with the outcome. I have a few things I have to change. My cholesterol and blood pressure are high and I've gotta get this little op on me gall bladder. Anyway I love general anaesthetics - instant sleep! yes please mr doctor.

Thanks to everyone who texted and visited me in my bed which was memory foam. I had a TV, my iphone and internet. 3 meals a day, bed changed, free showers, personal phone line and a lovely view of Liverpool. I should go back. Not!

I count myself lucky that I know the people I do. Married the man I did and have had a full body check which is on the whole OK.

A little less fat
A little more exercise
No salt
No Alcohol
More good foods
Ok, I'm game!

Anyone wanna buy a gall bladder? Slightly used, not bad condition.

PS Why is this page devoted to the bloody Pet Shop Boys? Well I bought the CD the day I was admitted and couldn't really listen to it. Oh, and it's brilliant too. Go buy.

J x

Fun In The Royal Prt 1

2009-03-29T20:35:00.000+01:00

I've spent a week in hospital and a few people don't know yet, or need the full story with added mirth. I didn't want a fuss, and I don't like being centre of attention either. Silly me! should have realised in ozzie you can't be anything but! As expected it'll be quite sarcastic, and hopefully funny. I met a good few people. Some who were nice. Some who were not so nice.

Last Monday I went the docs after our holiday to Mexico to get the results of a blood test for the H.Pylori virus. This virus is responsible for 95%+ of stomach ulcers, and my doc wanted to check this as I'd been having acid stomach and pain for a week or so. The tests were negative, so it had to be something else...

While we were on holiday I got food poisoning from some rogue chicken in a nasty restaurant (it was pretty really). Dyl went and got me some antibiotics from the chemist (that was conveniently below the aforementioned restaurant!) and I also had some pepto-dismal like stuff from San Fran from the week before. The antibiotics and the antacid helped but didn't cure me completely. However they had the added wonder of staining my poop black.

The Doctor examined me after I mentioned the colour of my stools (love that terminology) and immediately admitted me to hospital. I didn't really have time to go home for much, except to tell Dyl and Aggy and get to A+E. For anyone who doesn't know, black stools and stomach ache mean something in your stomach is bleeding. Not good. Although it was probably the antacids it was best to get it looked at, and this is where it get amusing.

Which one are you?

We drove to A+E and I went to reception. the lady checked my details and I sat down and waited to be 'next' After hours and hours I was asked to enter the interview room and wait for the junior doctor to assess me. She never did. Poor Dyl and Aggy had been there all day, so I said they might as well go because I was gonna be there for a good while. At about 9pm the staff changed over to night shift. In the end the ward sister told me I would have to spend the night in the interview room. She did supply a pillow though! Somehow I managed to get a snip of shuteye on one of those examination benches. You know, the ones that have a giant blue toilet roll on them. At 6am the junior doctor flew into the room all flustered and stooped down. She asked me a few questions then ran out like a fart in the wind. At 8am I opened the door (the nurse had kindly closed it for me to sleep in the dark) and a group of doctors all turned in unison and looked at me. It was like something off Dr Who!

"You shouldn't be in there!" said the nurse who had taken over the morning shift. I also noticed 6 other beds in A+E with curtains between them so people could sleep. They shouldn't be there either. A few hours later another doctor examined me and admitted me properly by giving me my hospital bracelet. What fun! Now it was time to be promoted to the ward on A+E. I'll tell you all about that in the next installment tomorrow.